I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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