Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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