Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Rumble strips road head = magical
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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