this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
