Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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