Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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