He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
