the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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