Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize