Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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