her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
