can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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