just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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