...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
