i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
