If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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