My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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