Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
