If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
