Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
