She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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