fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
there is glitter all over my balls
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