Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
