Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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