just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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