In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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