Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
