halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i drank out of a bidet.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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