I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
