Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
