whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
