The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
