I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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