I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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