how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
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I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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