I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
