It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
