10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
