Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
