I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize