I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
