you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Fuck appropriateness.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
