is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
