She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
