May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
