you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
