just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
