I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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