i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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