Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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