I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
