and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
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Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
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It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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