This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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