Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
