Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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