I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
