i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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