If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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