his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize