Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
