it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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