Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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