i was born a porn star she said
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
