hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
