I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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