i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
