all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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