Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
