I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
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He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My vagina just clenched in fear
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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