I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
