Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
