So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
