im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
