Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
