i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
