my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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