How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
