i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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