I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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