Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
