You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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