Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
